September 7, 2023 Comments Off on Back-to-School: Meltdown Edition
After sleeping on different beds, bunks, or floors for most of August, one of my kids was desperate to get back on a routine (barely holding it together, if we’re being honest) and the other would have gladly accepted an invitation to extend her Bohemian lifestyle. Still, regardless of age or temperament, one thing’s for sure: neither will be exempt from the back-to-school meltdowns. I’m talking complaints about the lunch they packed themselves (are we really still talking about mushy grapes?), falling to the floor when they’re reminded (again) to set the table, and accusations that nothing I say or do is right, especially if it relates to getting a good night’s sleep or finding a quiet space to do homework or daring to suggest they reconsider their jeans and hoodie since it’s 98 degrees. As I’m typing this, one is raging about the absence of graph paper and can I order it RIGHT NOW.
You might remember that in our house, thanks to Jory John and Lane Smith, we refer to these gripes as Penguin Problems.
The magical solution to back-to-school meltdowns? There is none, of course. We can delude ourselves that the perfect snack or perfectly-timed bath will stave off implosion, but we’re not fooling our kids. Short of a complete ban on speaking or making eye contact, about the only thing that approximates a balm for a back-to-school meltdown is to pull out a book…or two. Our children want us, but they do not want our questions about their day. Our children’s bodies are depleted, but they do not want suggestions for how to refuel. But nestling into our side (yes, even in 98 degrees) and listening to our voice, knowing they’re getting our full selves in that moment without any demands on them? That they can do. That’s the reset.
Usually. Sometimes.
And if those books can simultaneously validate that our children’s world has just been turned upside down, that instead of running around like feral beings they have to sit their bums in a chair and USE AN ACTUAL PENCIL, even better. Which is why, today, I’m showcasing two picture books with fantastic social-emotional content. One directly addresses school drop-off separation, while the other talks about the woes of nothing, not one single thing, going right across a school day. Both of them aren’t quick to offer fixes; rather, their power lies in the way they normalize and empathize, while also reassuring the listener that these feelings will pass.
As a bonus, both books are illustrated by one of my favorites, Hyewon Yum, whose whimsical, warm-toned pencil drawings never fail to bring a smile to my face, even (and especially) as she nails the different stages of a meltdown.
How does that saying go? If you can’t beat ‘em, you might as well laugh at ‘em? (Something like that.)
Sometimes I Kaploom by Rachel Vail; illus. Hyewon Yum Ages 4-7
What does bravery look like? Why does bravery feel easy one minute and impossible the next? Sometimes I Kaploom is the third title in Rachel Vail’s excellent series about Big Feelings, with this one addressing school separation. As in the other books, Vail showcases a knack for using playful, intuitive, and deceptively simple words to describe the uncomfortable feelings threatening to overpower our little ones. And while her audience may be those learning to navigate these awkward feelings, caregivers also receive a powerful reminder of what it feels like inside developing brains.
Our narrator, Katie Honors, considers herself to be a brave kid—maybe even superhero brave. She’s a big sister, a whiz on the scooter, an epic climber on the playground, and a willing tester of smelly foods. She’s even mostly fine at night “with just one small night-light.”
Sometimes, she’s also brave when her mom drops her off at school. That is, she’s able to hold in her tears and say “Bye, I love you. See you soon.”
Sometimes, she’s not so good at drop off. Sometimes, she’s not ready to say goodbye. Sometimes, she needs a few more minutes and she can’t have them. And that’s when she “kaplooms.” That’s when she collapses to the floor and clings to her mom’s legs. That’s when “the roar inside me is so huge I have to open my mouth and let it out.”
The story doesn’t shortchange this kaplooming, allowing it to play out over several pages and giving its listener valuable insight into the conflict inside Katie’s head. Katie knows that there are “faces close to mine” saying things, but she is too far gone to hear them. She wants the moment of separation from her mom to be smooth, but it feels in this moment like she’s “made of sparks.” She knows her mom is going to come back for her at the end of the school day, but she can’t concentrate on that when “everything is flurried.”
The worst part is that she can hear her mom telling her to be brave. Doesn’t she realize how hard she is trying?!
How often do we as parents casually throw around the word “brave,” inadvertently suggesting to our children that bravery and stoicism are one and the same? Here, the mother realizes her mistake and takes a minute to hold her daughter and validate the struggle inside. “I was wrong. You are being brave. You can be brave and sad. Brave and crying. Brave and scared. […] So brave, especially while you kaploom.”
Ultimately, it’s this validation that paves the way for Katie to calm down enough to remember the things she needs to remember to do the things she needs to do. The school day can start. She’s ready.
Ode to a Bad Day by Chelsea Lin Wallace; illus. Hyewon Yum Ages 4-7
A modern take on Judith Viorst’s beloved classic, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Chelsea Lin Wallace’s Ode to a Bad Dayisn’t just a story about a day where nothing seems to go right: it’s about our right to relish that badness without being talked out of it. I’m all about normalizing bad days for our kids! I think many of us came of age at a time when success was defined as happiness, and if we had bad days, then we weren’t doing it right. Ultimately, it’s our ability to navigate the inevitable ups and downs that sets us up for a life well lived.
Oh Bad Morning,
eyes are crusty, bones are rusty.
Why do all my teeth feel dusty?
All I see is gray ahead.
Can’t I stay inside my bed?
Right off the bat, we experience the magic of Wallace’s playful, hyperbolic verse, equally fun to read aloud as it is validating for anyone who has woken up on the wrong side of the bed (with dusty teeth).
What follows is a string of complaints that will feel all-too-familiar to reader and listener alike. Soggy cereal. Stiff clothing. Being pulled down the street because everything’s a rush, rush, rush. A skinned knee. And that’s all before the school day starts.
Once school starts, there are line cutters to reckon with. Hiccups to battle. A fat drop of water on a previously perfectly swooshing fish painting. And, is it true? That the lunchtime pudding cup is missing, too?
And don’t get our narrator started on the boredom of after-school errands. (“A chore at the store?/ I fall to the floor.”) Could we at least skip toothbrushing tonight? Not a chance.
So it goes, until Dad arrives to tuck in our protagonist (who is never named as a boy or girl) and the realization comes: they’ve survived their bad day. Here’s where Ode to a Bad Day departs from Alexander, offering a glimmer of hope.
The best part of a baddish day
is when it ends, and I’m OK.
My eyes are closed, and I suppose
a better day is on its way.
Why will your child beg for this book again and again? Because, ironically, reading about a bad day is a guaranteed way to improve our own. Nothing hits sweeter than being seen.
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Books published by Orchard Books and Chronicle Books, respectively. All opinions are my own. Links support the beautiful Old Town Books, where I am the children’s buyer (and yes, we ship!).
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